When Relationships Rupture: Through Each Other vs. Side by Side

Relationships rarely rupture because love is absent. More often, they fracture when we unconsciously try to resolve our karmic lessons through each other, instead of walking them out side by side.

🌑 When the Clash Happens

This happens quietly, often with good intentions. One person feels an inner conflict, fear, overwhelm, anger, or shame, and instead of owning it as their process, it gets projected outward. Suddenly, the other person becomes the problem.

“You’re too much.”

“You’re creating conflict.”

“I can’t handle the way you express yourself.”

At the surface, it looks like a disagreement. Underneath, what’s really happening is this: inner tension is being framed as someone else’s fault. The relationship becomes a battleground for unprocessed lessons.

🌱 The Shift: Naming Our Own Process

The turning point is simple but powerful: we stop making others responsible for our discomfort and begin to communicate from our own experience.

Instead of: “You are overwhelming.”

We can say: “I feel overwhelmed right now and need space.”

Instead of: “You are too emotional.”

We can say: “I’m having a hard time staying grounded when emotions run high.”

Notice the shift, one attacks identity, the other names experience. One creates shame, the other creates clarity.

🍂 Seasons Change, So Do Roles

And here’s the other truth: we don’t have to walk side by side in every season. Letting old roles and programs dissolve will change our relationships. Sometimes we need distance to process our own emotions, and that’s not abandonment, it’s self-honoring.

We must release the expectation that others should show up for us the way we have for them. They don’t owe us that. What is our responsibility is to be sure we aren’t giving from lack, only from overflow. That way we don’t give to receive we give because we love being of service regardless of the way it’s received or valued.

It’s like leaving a bowl of candy out on Halloween. If you set no limits, no gate, no boundaries, you can’t blame the child who takes the whole bowl. The bowl is your energy. Steward it with clarity. If you don’t, others will take what is offered, not because they are bad, but because you didn’t name your limit.

✨ Practice: Shifting From Noun to Verb

When conflict arises, we often slip into noun-language, labeling the other person as the problem. It’s fast, it’s sharp, and it makes us feel temporarily safer because we’ve put the blame outside ourselves.

But noun-language fixes identity:

“You are irresponsible.” “You are dramatic.” “You are selfish.”

This closes the door on connection.

Now imagine you’re speaking to a child who is making poor choices, maybe running into the street or grabbing something sharp. You wouldn’t label them “reckless” and walk away. You’d describe the behavior and the impact:

“When you run into the road, it’s dangerous. You could get hurt.”

“When you grab that, it might cut you.”

This is verb-language, it names the action and the effect, not the identity.

Applied to adult relationships, it looks like this:

Instead of “You are irresponsible,” say: “When the bills are unpaid, I feel anxious and unsafe.”

Instead of “You are dramatic,” say: “When voices get raised, I feel overwhelmed and need space to listen.”

Instead of “You are selfish,” say: “When I don’t feel considered, I feel hurt and disconnected.”

This shift turns blame into clarity, conflict into understanding, and rupture into a doorway for healing.

🥧 How to Bake an Olive Branch Pie (Steps for Repair)

When relationships rupture, repair isn’t about proving who was right or wrong. It’s about creating a recipe for reconnection that honors truth, responsibility, and love. Here are the ingredients I’ve found are always needed:

🌱 Ingredients for Repair

One cup of self-responsibility – Naming your part without making the other wrong. “Here’s where I abandoned myself, and here’s how that showed up.”

Two tablespoons of honesty – Clear truth about how the rupture felt, without exaggeration or blame. “When this happened, I felt… because I needed…”

A dash of humility – A willingness to say, “I don’t have all the answers, but I want to understand.”

Generous scoops of listening – Space for the other to share their truth, even if it’s messy. Listening without preparing your rebuttal.

Pinch of compassion – Remembering the other is human too. They stumble, just as you do.

Layer of boundaries – Repair doesn’t mean dissolving your truth. Healthy limits are part of the pie. “I love you, and I need to step slower this time.”

A sprinkle of patience – Healing takes time. The pie needs to bake. Trust the process.

🌹 The Baking Instructions

Preheat with presence.

Calm your nervous system before entering the conversation.

Mix self-responsibility with honesty.

Lead with your own truth, not accusations.

Fold in humility and listening.

Make space for the other’s process.

Add compassion and boundaries. These balance the flavors of grace and sovereignty.

Let it bake in patience. Don’t rush resolution. Allow trust to rise slowly.

🥧 The Result: A warm olive branch pie, repair that’s nourishing for both, whether it leads to continued closeness or simply clarity and peace.

🗡️ When Repair Isn’t Enough: Khadga, the Sword of Severance

Not every rupture is meant to be repaired back into closeness. Sometimes the most loving repair is distance. Sometimes the clearest truth is severance.

This is where Khadga, the holy sword of Kali, enters.

Khadga severs not from cruelty but from compassion. She cuts what binds us to fear, guilt, or false obligation, so that love can be remembered in its purest form.

Her sword reminds us:

Repair means taking responsibility and creating space for love to flow again, whether together or apart. Severance is not rejection. It is radical alignment, the courage to let go when holding on would only diminish our light. Love is never lost. What is eternal cannot be severed. The sword only cuts away distortion so truth remains.

🌹 A Collective Invitation

This season asks us to discern: Is this a relationship to repair, or one to release? Both are holy. Both require honesty, humility, and courage.

Khadga teaches us that to cut away is not to kill love, it is to protect it. To end a pattern is not to end connection, it is to create the possibility of a truer one.

And so we walk forward with clarity:

Giving from overflow, not depletion. Receiving in gratitude, not entitlement. Honoring our petals and our thorns. Baking pies when repair is possible. Wielding swords when release is needed.

Both are acts of love. Both are sovereignty in action.

🌹 A Humble Truth

And please do not think for one minute that I have mastered this. I haven’t. It is a muscle I am learning to exercise in real time, with everyone in my life… starting with my own inner child.