Loving you is easy
Being loved is art
Life’s got so complicated
Let’s press restart
Letting go has become part of life
Leads me to question this strife
What is Love
It’s the nights we held each other
when we had nothing else to give
It’s the sweet look that you gave me
after I kissed you first instead
It’s the love that lasts forever
even far apart
It’s the valve you can’t shut off
in that big beautiful heart
What is Love
It’s losing a game on purpose
to see the other smile
It’s going on forever and then walking that extra mile
It’s never been easy but who are we to kid
I love you complicated
I really always did
You taught me when you love someone
it honestly stands true
the love will never vanish
never belong to anyone but you
That thing in your chest beating is for me you old fart
I’ll never let you forget it
My big beautiful heart
I hope it lasts forever
and stands the test of time
No matter what you choose
You can always have mine
Strength is something we don’t realize we have until we are put in a situation where we have to find it or perish. Daily challenges make us stronger and because of these challenges we grow, we evolve. When we go through a difficult trial we are forced to cope. We fight through the layers of emotion. In the fight our body, mind, and spirit are tested. It is only in the chaos of the battle that we are truly able to mold ourselves into a stronger, wiser, more enriched embodiment. It is only in the battle that we find our true self. Be grateful for strife because without it we wouldn’t flourish into the beautiful souls we are. This is the beauty of battle…
A sharp pain in my lower abdomen kicked in and I knew it was time. At 11 PM contractions hit and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of urgency, excitement, and fear of what to expect…
I decided to wait it out as long as possible because I knew once I got to the hospital I would be bound to a bed and as uncomfortable as the contractions were when they started I knew they would be worse laying down. I told my husband to read the bit of information for the support partner in What To Expect When You’re Expecting. I grabbed an exercise ball and started rolling around on it like a walrus rolls around on dry land… or that’s how I felt.
I’ve always loved a challenge and mostly charged anything that scared me in the past but this fear was a completely different feeling than I had ever felt before. Knowing that a human is about to come out of your “flower” is SCARY! I was terrified and rightly so.
My husband reassured me at the time that it was probably just braxton hicks (false labor or mild cramps) which is just your body’s way of preparing you for the real deal. I reassured him it was time and I was going to take a shower and take my time… fix my hair and makeup. Yes, as laughable as it is, I thought I could look good during childbirth.
I made it through the shower and I actually did curl my hair but the makeup didn’t make it on. The contractions were too strong at this point to comfortably stand up straight. It gets to a point where you have to hold on to a counter or anything to brace for each contraction. The best way to describe this feeling for men (someone kicks you right in the balls) – women (a period cramp straight from the underworld intensified times ten). We grabbed our bags and hopped in the car en route to the hospital. In this moment I was very excited and anxious. I couldn’t wait to meet our tiny little human.
At the hospital they make you fill out paperwork which is just so enjoyable when you feel like a knife is going through your cervix but yes I would LOVE to thank you.
The hospital room was very cold and uncomfortable. I asked the nurse if I could use the bathroom just to buy some time. I locked the door and paced back and forth as long as I could until the pain hurt to the point where I was doing this awkward shuffle or dance that you would see someone do if their crotch was on fire. The nurse came in and hooked up an IV and my contractions were also being monitored on what looked to be a richter scale. The waiting game had begun.
I wanted to have my baby naturally and without any pain medication. Most women would “like” this but reality is you don’t know what to expect until you’re going through it.
Six hours in and I asked for the IV pain medication which you can only have every 2 hours. When that hit I felt nauseous but it helped with the pain from the contractions. At this point I thought to myself, ” I got this. This isn’t so bad.”
An hour passed and close to the end of the second I asked for another dose. The second dose helped but it wasn’t killing the pain like the first. Two hours later couldn’t come fast enough and I asked for another dose. This time it didn’t help but I didn’t want to give up the fight and get the epidural yet. I was determined to make it through without an epidural mostly because I already had lower back pain and heard the epidural could make it worse.
Ten hours in and this sharp pain hit right above my left hip in the pelvis. It was immobilizing. I tossed from left to right and dug my thumb in to see if it would relieve the pain and it didn’t. I was breaking. I laid on my right side to try to alleviate the left hip and dug my head under a pillow and cried. I felt completely hopeless at this point.
My Aunt who had already went through this three times before looked at the computer to my right and let me know the contractions were only hitting at 25% meaning they were going to get much much worse. I immediately asked for the epidural in a panic.
The nurse asked everyone to leave the room and a doctor came in to administer the epidural. I was asked to sit up on the edge of the bed and not to move. My contractions were unbearable at this point but the thought of the needle slipping and hitting my spine or a nerve from a movement and paralyzing me kept me from moving. I closed my eyes and faced the ground and cried almost to a point of defeat. I was upset that I couldn’t hold out without the epidural. I felt that I had let myself down. After they were done I resumed back in my position as before and they checked my vitals to make sure everything was ok. The nurse wrapped a device around my stomach to monitor the baby’s heartbeat. I was still trying to lay on my right side because the sharp pain over my left hip worsened. The epidural helped with my contractions but not the new sharp pain. The nurse had a concerned look on her face and then let me know the baby’s heart rate was dropping. She then asked me to lay flat on my back to see if we could get it back up. When I repositioned the sharp pain got worse and I cried in pain. The baby’s heart rate picked back up on my back so I had to deal with the pain. I asked for another epidural. They administered it and yet I still felt everything. It didn’t take. At this point I was going to have to deal with the pain.
I was told my doctor was still in surgery with another mother but would be done shortly…
My contractions were now at 100%. Each hit was a blow to my spirit. I felt like I was getting beaten down by a force I had no strength to fight at this point. That’s it. I was over it. I made my mind up that I couldn’t take anymore and I was pushing whether they liked it or not.
I told my husband to prepare to catch the baby because I was pushing, doctor or not. My Aunt ran to get the nurse to let her know of my decision. My mom sitting to the left in the room with tears in her eyes and a helpless and frantic look. My husband calm and cool kept monitoring my vitals and providing me with ice chips when needed.
I sat up and started pushing. I couldn’t believe how much pain I was in. It was unbearable but I was bearing it and at this point all I could think was let’s get this over with.
My body was exhausted. I was overheating and started feeling sick. The nurse came in and set everything up and told me when to push. I pushed and felt like I had to throw up so my husband gave me a bag to throw up in. I would push and then throw up. I yelled, “Get this thing out of me!” (at the time we didn’t know the sex which is why thing was appropriate). I yelled again, “Cut it out”. These were cries of pure desperation. After an hour had passed I broke: spirit, mind, body. I was done. “You can see the head!” said my Aunt. I cried uncontrollably. My Aunt grabbed my shoulder and said, “You can do this! Don’t give up. You have to do this!” The nurse stepped in and said you have to pull it together the baby’s heart rate keeps dropping. My husband on the left with a calm voice said, “She’s right there! I can see her. Just one more push!” The fear of losing my child set in and I focused on everyones words. I straightened up and followed commands. All I could think was that I might lose my baby. I prayed in hopes that the baby would be ok. The sharp pain above the left hip was stronger than ever and yet I ignored it to focus on pushing. The doctor stepped in and placed both hands in and pushed down. A hard stretch and I came off the table in agony. He then had to cut down to help the baby come out. He asked for the Kiwi which is a suction device. He placed it below and told me to push. I took a deep breath and used every ounce of strength I had left. The doctor saw a dark purple head and then a cord wrapped around the neck. The heart rate dropped. The doctor tried to get his finger under the umbilical cord but couldn’t because it was pulled too tight. He looked up and asked me to breath out slowly and that loosened the cord enough for him to lift it up and over the head. The remainder of the cord was wrapped around the tiny body.
Looking in the mirror hanging from the ceiling I could see a little purple body come out. “You have a little girl!” the doctor said. No cries. I was horrified that she wasn’t breathing. Finally a slight movement from her little arms. The doctor allowed my husband to cut the umbilical cord. I felt them lay her body on top of mine and I felt her tiny belly, arms, legs, toes. The feeling at that moment truly is indescribable. My eyes were closed and I just held her close to me and said to my husband, “Look what we did!”
My introduction to motherhood was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I looked at this blessing that I just worked so hard to get and praised the heavens for her life. Two big beautiful eyes stared up at me as she fed for the first time and my whole being was flooded with more love than I had ever felt before. My tiny miracle. She was perfect. Nothing else at that moment mattered. I forgot about the pain and just marveled over God’s creation. Perfect marvel.
The most difficult and painful time in my life gave me the most beautiful and fascinating gift. The miracle of life. The beauty of the battle.
Love cannot be quantified.
I’ve learned more about love since I’ve met my husband than I had in the previous years of my life. Marriage is a quick way to learn true love, unconditional love, selfless love, and a love for all those tiny things that “drive you crazy” but at the end of the day you wouldn’t have it any other way. A wise man once told me, “Don’t go for the one you want go for the one that makes you better.” I listened and I am glad I did because in the end they are the one you want…
I truly believe there are no coincidences in life that they are signs. Here are some signs that gave me assurance that he was “the one”.
Pictured above is my wish locket. Most of you don’t understand the meaning behind the name DjOneChain – Dj because of my love for music and in a sense I look at myself as a virtual Dj and the one chain symbolizes my wish lockets throughout my life. I have had unbelievable success with wish lockets. One day I hope to design my own line of wish lockets. I want to share with others this gift of hope and faith in this supernatural realm that we take for granted. Wishes backed by faith, imagination, and passion. Since I was 8 years old I would write down my wishes on a tiny peace of paper, fold it up, and place it in the locket around my neck. They would ALWAYS come true. The picture above is a wish I wrote down on September 22nd of 2014 which was exactly 7 days before I met my now husband for the first time. 7 being unique because 7 is my lucky number. It’s the time I was born, the day I was born, and there are many other synchronicities that make it special.
– I wish I will get the job at Delta (I am now a Delta Flight Attendant)
– I wish for the highest level of enlightenment (I am having my very first baby)
– I wish to use my site and business a platform for him (Everyday)
– I wish for love and happiness (I got everything I wished for)
– I wish for a man I can’t live without that puts God first and loves me unconditionally and will be a good dad to our children (My husband came into my life just 7 days after this wish was written. I couldn’t have asked for a more loving and caring companion)
The first time I was introduced to my husbands parents his mom kept asking his father to play her late mother ‘s favorite song on the piano. After dinner he did and I immediately knew it was God who brought us together and that he was the one. The song was only one of 3 that I sing when I come home to see my granny. She would always ask me to sing for her when I would come home to the farm to visit. It just so happened that earlier that year before I left for my Guatemala mission trip I sang the exact song his father played for me that night for my granny at church, There’s Something About That Name, an old church hymnal. That night his father and I got to sing that song together and I can’t tell you what I felt inside… words cannot give it justice. All I knew is that I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that exact moment in time.
There are many more reasons why I married my husband and why he was the “one” who makes me better:
He puts my needs above his own
He teaches me unconditional love
He never gives up
He is my teacher
He is slow to anger
He is patient
He is my lighthouse
Each struggle we go through makes us stronger. Each obstacle we overcome makes us more grateful for one another. Each day I find myself falling for him more and when he’s not looking staring at that gorgeous profile just a little longer than the day before.
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. You work through hard times to appreciate the good. You sacrifice. You open yourself up each day exposing all your vulnurabilities molding this beautiful work of art called love.
Throughout my previous relationships I´ve asked the same question, ¨How much do you love me on a scale from 1 to 10.¨ The answers varied but none were as special as his.
His Answer(s) –
“10 is too restrictive of a scale – I can’t quantify my feelings for you in a number with only two digits. The scale to which compare is likened to the ever-expanding universe.”
1) 10 is too restrictive of a scale – I can’t quantify my feelings for you in a number with only two digits. The scale to which compare is likened to the ever-expanding universe.
2) On a scale from 1 to 10 I love you in quantities comparable to how much helium has escaped into the atmosphere.
3) On a scale from 1 to 10 I love you in quantities comparable to the length at which all vascular systems of all plants that have ever been on earth would amount to if adjoined in a straight line.
4) On a scale from 1 to 10 I love you in quantities comparable to the distance traveled of every photon that has ever bounced off the face of the earth from the sun.
5) On a scale from 1 to 10 I love you in quantities comparable to the total number of grains of sand.
6) On a scale from 1 to 10 I love you in quantities comparable to the total number of stars in the sky.
7) I love you as much as the sun loves hydrogen
I do love you, babe 🙂 The sun can’t survive without hydrogen. ¨
***Feel free to take these one liners to the bank boys… they are sure to win the heart of your lady.
Happy Father’s Day to “the one” God blessed me with on my journey. I am so grateful for all that you do for our little family. I love you more than you can quantify and cannot wait to welcome our baby wiggler to the world! You are going to be an amazing father just like yours.
We are born into this world pure. Each infant a vision of perfection and a gift from the heavens above. A blessing for eternity.
Now that I received that blessing and am about to give birth to my first born child I have this overwhelming desire to not only give this new creation life but to also give it mine. A love that is so strong and a bond that will forever be unbroken.
Some children are lucky and are born to families that can’t wait to secure this newborn in their arms. Not all have the perfect vision of a loving family. Some accepted by just their mothers, just their fathers, or worse neither and abandoned with no understanding, no love, no family…
Luckily, there are millions of families out there that so badly want to be granted the privilege to become a mother or father to a child who would otherwise have no one. A beautiful duty that many take for granted.
I’m honored to personally know one family above, Star and Kyle McGee, who were high school sweethearts dating 9 years and now married for 6. This couple exemplifies true love. They have been trying to create their own child for the past 4 years but to no avail. Adoption seemed like the best shot they had to become the parents they always dreamed of but the agencies were too expensive. They decided to give it to God and just last week were selected by one of the birth moms who is pregnant with TWINS!
Let’s help bless these unborn twins with a loving and caring home. Help Star and Kyle raise the funds they need to complete their fairytale!
Help by sharing their story and donating what you can here: Bringing Home Baby McGees – Star & Kyle McGee Adoption Fund
I pray that they reach their goal so they can bless the children with an eternal family full of love which is what every child deserves.
PICTURE this: A fusion of light and movement through projection art curated by the most forward thinking digital artists, designers, and filmmakers.
Snap! Orlando brought out the big beamers outshining any other art show I’ve been able to venture to. An exhibition that will make any normal person turn into a photomaniac over night. BYOB Orlando (Bring Your Own Beamer) was a one night event that left me wanting more.
Here are a few of my favorite shots from the night with a brief description of the interactive play…
A morphing algorithm allowing the background to change shapes and colors in a mesmerizing way.
This interactive installation and cymatics projection involved a whole lot of work behind the scenes. Basically this awesome tech guru, Ginger, used a programming language known as Processing to create a code that would analyze color change through audio from this other artist’s GIF which in turn would send out a frequency to a speaker which activated cymatic visuals ending up as a lovely projection of light reflecting off the surface of the water showcasing patterns of sound vibrations.
A better breakdown of this masterpiece and artist check out: SPECTRE’M
Interactive motion sensored Van Gogh. Yes please.
Profresh Photo Cred: Mark
I’m always up for the next big adventure and my next one includes a baby aka “it” – for now.
My husband and I decided to wait until “it’s” born to find out the sex because I’m sure you’ll agree that there are very little surprises in life and what an amazing one this will be. We also decided to keep the name(s) to ourselves because lets face it… opinions from others on our future “it” is better left unsaid.
What an amazing experience this pregnancy has been.
The first trimester (3 months) was about as pleasant as sitting on a cactus. Your hormones are all over the place. Annoyed* is your newfound adjective. You basically eat to “toss your salad”. Oh and you have now acquired a newfound super power (sense of smell) that gives you the nose equivalent to that of a Bloodhound. Prepare to smell everyone’s stink and turn your head when they speak to you directly or carry tic tacs on hand prepared for battle.
Before you swear off having children there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The second trimester…
So far (knock on wood) this has been smooth sailing thanks to an amazing husband and support from great friends and family.
My appetite has picked up quite a bit with pickles, strawberries, ice cream, burgers with bacon and other weird cravings on the weekly grocery list.
My body has changed a little. I have always been active and into running and swimming so the bun in the oven is baking in a small space, thankfully.
The first movements are weird… at first you may think you have gas bubbles but it’s the peanut swimming and squirming in its little oasis. They become more prevalent as you grow and you’ll get a strong karate kick or jab here and there. I notice it more before bed and after eating spicy foods or when I listen to dope beats (a musician in the making).
I also like to be completely honest about the experience of having your first child… it’s really scary, weird, and amazing all at the same time. I mean, you start thinking about what’s taking place in your body and the fact that you will have actual food for your newborn coming straight from your bosom. It’s weird. My husband asked why I thought it was weird and my explanation was this, “Could you imagine having milk streaming from any of your body parts?” Mmhmm weird.
I am so thankful though for this weird but amazing experience God has granted us. It is a blessing to even be able to conceive and I cannot wait to hold this life in my hands that I am growing inside of me and will be able to bring into this world. It is truly a miracle in the making.
The first time I saw my sonogram my husband and I were doing missionary work in Guatemala. A Cuban doctor took me in and showed us on the screen what looked to be a small human like formation that was intense to see for the first time. You process the fact that there is a human growing inside of you that will be the most important part of your life. There is no better feeling in the world. (Side note: a sonogram that cost us $27US)
My priority now is to live a life that I would want my child to live. My goal is to be what I want it to be and I want it to see what I want it to be. You feel me?
People say they will change their lifestyle when they have a child but I believe you should start emulating the character you want to see in your future children before you conceive. Simply put, the “do as I say not as I do” is out and the “do as I do” is in; A simple goal for us to strive for paving a brighter future for our children, their children, and ourselves.
Oh and please feel free to share any advice for the “it” in the making by leaving a comment. I love hearing stories from other parents and what helped them make their life a bit easier before, during, and after birth: Books, strollers, holistic alternatives for babies and all that jazz.
Ps. A time capsule message for my little angel ❤
“Your father and I cannot wait to meet you, see your first steps, watch you grow and learn, and show you all the beauty the world has to offer. Your daddy touches your little cocoon/ my belly once a day just to let you know he’s there. We look forward to showing you an abundance of love that will be with you long after we are gone. You will be our greatest creation yet.”
Creeping up on the music scene is this newbie with fresh beats Baowolf!
His sounds are chill synths with an electronic flare. This underground artist is pretty hard to track due to the rookie status but I see a bright future ahead for this producer. All I know is that his name is Will. He likes pizza and beats so he must be cool. Not to mention has an amazing ear for the creation of new sounds which is what I personally crave.
Show Baowolf some love and help share the tunes!
If you enjoy jazz with an electronic twist you will love this…
Swindle is a multi-talented producer/musician from the UK who mixes funk, bass, piano, and more instrumentals that will satisfy your earbuds.
This 27-year-old has played at festivals with other big name favorites like Massive Attack, Kryptic Minds, and Mimosa. Hitting the music scene hard this year with an Asia tour is sure to boost his beats.
Not only does he have a unique sound but a peculiar style that is sure to influence his followers. The end of 2008 Swindle Productions was born. Here is an artistic video with imaginative animation full of fun twists and turns:
Follow this cool cat to the moon:
Earlier this year I told my mom I would marry the man that would drop everything to volunteer with me at a special children´s home in Guatemala.
I´m sure he didn´t expect half of our honeymoon to be spent at the children´s home with 30 kids but it was. Talk about taking one for the team.
A year of great risk and great reward…
I sold all of my stuff (everything) and left for Guatemala to volunteer and live at New Hope Coban, a children´s home in the mountains of Guatemala, in April, 2014. I spent 3 months at this home and became a different person.
July I was back in the states and had to get back to work. I had nothing in common with most anymore. The usual conversations didn´t excited me. I didn´t fit into my old social scene I used to thrive in. My perception of life had changed.
Laying out by a pool a girl told me about this dating app that I assumed was just like the rest, OkCupid. She was 32 and had met her now boyfriend of about a year on it. Then went on to say that she knew other people that it worked for so… I was still skeptical but figured what the heck.
I was in a new city. I didn´t go out anymore and my typical week was set: work out, work, and church. So I gave the app a try. I figured I could at least make a new friend along the way if nothing else.
My profile was a little sarcastic. Mainly I talked about how much I loved bacon, dreamed up new bacon dishes, and needed bacon to live.
I did´t really expect to meet anyone special. I stuck my blog link on there as well to run traffic to my site…. which works btw…and is still working.
After about 2 weeks I was over the app and forgot about it.
One day I saw a really nice email saying something about my blog and I had to read the rest of it so I clicked the link which brought me right back to the dating app.
A notification alerted me that I just had a match with this handsome guy… so of course I did what any curious single girl would do. I checked out the profile. Unfortunately it said this guys location was Portugal but I didn´t care after I read his whole profile. He was a computer nerd that was hot, genuine (judging from the profile), and wanted to learn how to break dance (humor*). Winner.
I shot over a message letting him know I could help him with the break dancing starting with a simple Roger Rabbit. We soon found out we both had a lot in common and that he was back home getting his Visa straightened out so we could meet for lunch. A lunch that lasted 3 hours.
The rest is history. Smitten and completely on the same track on everything from children to spirituality to music (anyone that knows my music taste knows it is not easy to match). Oh and he didn´t drink. (Heaven opens and angels singing here)
It´s like God took my cookie cutter perfectionistic vision of a man and placed him in my life. Prayers answered.
4 months later we eloped and are now spending Christmas at the children´s home in Guatemala.
¨When you know you know¨, truth in this case.
I believe God is leading this journey 100%. It has not been easy but the most rewarding year of my life on this planet to date. I have no clue how the next few years will unfold but I´m foreseeing some babies, composing and producing my own music, traveling, and more missionary work with the hubs.
Fairytales do come true.
Give ole Cupid a try. You never know. You might be one click or swipe away from your very own prince charming.