A Series of Seamless Events
There are no coincidences in life. They are signs.
I can’t explain why I feel God’s presence so strongly in moments that can only be given by him.
I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to fight his will. I’ve tried so hard to carry life on my shoulders without prayer or seeking God in my trials.
I’ve given so much of myself to men in my relationships and have lost each battle because he wasn’t in it.
I know God exists. I saw his miracles in Guatemala at the children’s refuge center I lived/volunteered at for 3 months in 2013. His hand protected me and placed every stone in front of every step. Too many signs. Too many “coincidences” for it to be anything else than the great divine. I walked in faith that summer and it changed my heart.
In the last 3 years I have suffered through 3 great deaths.
The death of my marriage
The death of my step dad who was like a father to me
The death of one of my dearest friends turned into a forbidden love
After each it chipped away at my heart and soul and the last one extinguished what was left of my light.
I took my daughter to visit my dad the weekend of August 23rd. He asked if Sunday I wanted to take my daughter to the beach but I insisted on attending his church instead. They promoted their women’s retreat focused on inspiring women to find their purpose and their passion. I decided to go.
September 15th I went to check out this church down the road from my house that was recommended by my physical therapist. The founder of the church had passed down his title to his son however I was lucky to hear him speak that day. The sermon was about faith:
“To eat without faith is to invite sickness and anger into your life.
Work and finances are little in God’s eyes. This is material possessions but with God he will provide. If you walk in faith everything you need will be given in abundance if you believe in him.”
2 Corinthians 9:8
“Abundance does not depend on material possessions. Abundance means that God supplies all that we need with something to spare for others. Faith is the key to abundance.”
This changed my perception of praying over my meal and reminded me to rest in him like I had before.
September 27th & 28th was the women’s conference. This experience was emotionally heavy but uplifting at the same time. They taught us that facing our fears activates faith. God brings purpose from your pain. They spoke about forgiveness, gratitude, embracing our differences and learning to love our individuality through better understanding our strengths. I prayed for God to shut out any relationships that are of desires and to open up and allow relationships that fill my spirit instead.
October 6th I attended passion city and the message was that God wants to use us as a catalyst to bring others to know Christ. The pastor is a vessel to teach the people to bring more to him. Shine. Pray. & Share. Also, that the kindest thing to do was to pray for another’s salvation.
October 7th my mom mentioned checking out this show at the church close by in which I replied was already over. My physical therapist that same day told me they had extended the show two additional days for Friday and Saturday night.
October 12th I’m eating with my family at a new restaurant I didn’t want to wait to be seated at but did because they wanted to wait. While eating I noticed a pretty lady at the table to my left and when I saw who she was with I realized it was the founder and his wife of the church I attended close to my house. I then remembered his sermon on praying over your food and eating clean through being grateful to God and I said to myself oh shoot I forgot to pray and quietly said a prayer in my head. I waited until they finished to say hello and explain my funny remembrance of his sermon and how it reminded me to pray over my food. I mentioned the show and how my mother and I wanted to go see it. They offered us to be their guests and we went.
Once we pulled into the church we were graciously welcomed and brought in to find our seats right next to the founder. The show Blink: The Vanishing was more than words could describe. It walked you through what revelation might be like and offered inspirational stories along the way. We watched movies they produced, live actors on stage, lyrical dancers. It was Broadway worthy and so touching. At the end they offered for you to accept Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior and while I’ve always wanted to before I never had the courage or the humility to do it but this time was different.
For the first time as an adult I accepted Jesus into my heart and I can’t explain to you how much lighter I felt or the excitement in my heart. There are no words to describe the holy spirit. I followed my heart and walked outside to follow through with an actual baptism.
I never liked to describe myself as a Christian because of the scrutiny they have to bear, the commitment, the discipline, the hypocrisy others slap you with when you slip, and overall the weight of integrity you must carry but I’ve realized that the weight of everything else in life without him is way heavier than what I just listed all in one which is why Christ died for our sins. He carried our burdens so that we could find our way to everlasting life.
However, just because I get to start over with a clean slate doesn’t mean it won’t be hard. I’ll still face the same temptations and old habits that stood between my salvation as much as before if not more. I want to commit myself to God for his will to be done in my life and to others who are struggling.
I had to share this story in hopes that if you’re going through anything that feels too heavy you don’t have to do it alone. So I pray for anyone reading this… I pray for your salvation so that you can walk a little lighter and shine alot brighter in this sometimes harsh but beautiful world.